I am firmly of the mindset that life is cyclical. Things begin and end and roll around again, always finding a way to complete and evolve. We have lessons to learn and roles to grow into, and nothing can be forced or rushed along, even though we might try. We try things on, we wear purposes and identities like hats and masks until we start to feel uncomfortable in them. There’s a beauty and a sadness in casting them off again, letting the cycle continue and allowing ourselves to get swept back in. It was a slow, creeping realization that one of my cycles had come to a close. It took a while for me to cast it off, because while it no longer brought me joy or contributed to my growth as a person, it paid my bills and gave me financial freedom. For nearly half a year, I spent my days in a fog–I showed up where I needed to be when I was told, I took appointments on time and did my best to assist clients, but my heart was no longer behind it. It was a shell I occupied, and I felt totally vacant inside it. It sounds dramatic, I know but there’s something terrifying about the robotized monotony of a passionless job. My mind needs room to expand, to create and meet challenges or it turns back on itself, becomes destructive.
So I took a leap of faith. I decided to shed the old skin, to see what I would grow into. I quit my job. It was scary, but it felt like the right step. I started a business, which was also terrifying but has been incredibly rewarding. My creativity has soared. I’ve produced more work in the last two months than I have in the past year, and I’m incredibly proud of it. By cutting out the parts of my life that no longer served me, I’ve been able to explore the things I love and do something I’m passionate about. It might be a long time before I can pull in the amount of money I left behind, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last few years it’s that passion can get you farther than you’ve ever imagined.
Antimony Blue was born out of one of these passions–scent is one of my favourite senses. It can make or break a mood, it’s inexorably tied to memory. When I get dressed for an event or plan what to wear on an evening out, I always select a particular fragrance to tie it together. In my mind, scents tell a story and a well-crafted perfume can wrap you up in its tale. When I created the first Antimony Blue fragrance, I wanted to tell a particular story, create a fairy tale that would add a little magic to someone’s day. Each fragrance is blended exhaustively, sniffing and mixing and pouring until I feel like it’s just right. And to make sure that magic stays with them, I took crystal chips from my personal collection and added them to each bottle, allowing them to steep in positive energy. I design each label using my own art, rounding out the vision I have for each scent to create a complete mood. When I’m playing olfactory composer, it transports me. It’s very zen. It’s a totally different artistic medium, and I’m thrilled to be able to share it with people who will appreciate the stories inside them.
I’m not quite sure what my next step is, or what the future holds for me, but I’m excited to see where it takes me. I hope to grow Antimony Blue beyond a handmade indie fragrance company and build it into something that can grow and stretch with my passions and dreams. I’m so proud of the work that I’ve put into it and I’ve had such a good time putting it all together. I was born to do this!